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ROADKILL 101

ROADKILL, The Books
The Original Roadkill Cookbook was written and self-published by Buck in 1985 and re-issued with bright yellow centerlines in 1987 by Ten Speed Press. A classic in the field, The Original Roadkill Cookbook introduced Buck's Meals under Wheels Foundation ® and was followed by The International Roadkill Cookbook and The Totally Totalled Cookbook.

Since titles can't be copyrighted, the word, Roadkill is often used as cover eye-candy. The best is Kinky Friedman's Roadkill, a distinguished addition to a whacked mystery series, the title describing the T-boning of an important local character by Willie Nelson's bus, the Honeysuckle Rose. Visit the Kinkster and pick up on music from his new label, Sphincter Records, "Leaving our Competitor's Behind." Tell 'em Buck sent you.

Between the covers: The very best fictional road-kill eating character ever and forever more is Skink, Carl Hiaasen's renegade ex-governor. Introduced in Double Whammy, this modern-day hero errant is one of the best reasons to buy all Hiaasen's books.

Buck's Bonus Tip: Graham Masterton has written a fine, short story, titled Roadkill, about a vampire victimized by urban sprawl.

ROADKILL, the cafes
At any given moment, there is any given number of flash-in-the-pan cafes with a roadkill handle but none more famous and lasting than The Roadkill Café in Sturgis, South Dakota. It should be pointed out that cafes are not licensed to serve roadkill to the public during regular hours. The beef and other red meat councils and the chicken and other white meat councils have lobbied hard to protect their turf. However, Larry, Daryl and Daryl, the last owners of the Minute Man Café on the Bob Newhart Show served roadkill from time to time. TV fare hasn't improved much since.

ROADKILL, The Cats
Earl, The Dead Cat appeared on the scene in the mid-80's. The under-stuffed kitty with crossed eyes and protruding red tongue comes with its very own death certificate and is STILL being offered as a nice gift item by Mad Dog Productions. Think Christmas.

ROADKILL, The Foodstuff
Roadkill was an irregular source of meat to parts of our prison system until urban criminals with a new bill of rights dominated or dominatrixed the population. Now it's difficult to even give away a salvaged hindquarter. Burp! Excuse me. Wild game hindquarters do that to me.

ROADKILL, The Games
One of the earliest video games shamelessly smearing the good name road-kill as a gimmick is Frogger. No wonder we're missing so many frogs. A surviving frog in that game needed a Budweiser after dodging all those cars and trucks. The best and simplest game is Roadkill Bingo, available either as a horizontal board game or a vertical "chest game" on a tee shirt. Meant to sharpen your observational skills, Roadkill Bingo is over if your vehicle hits an animal. Call 1-970-667-8636 for "Remains to be Seen".

ROADKILL, The Movie
Unrepentant Canuck Bruce McDonald wrote, directed, and produced a terrific low-rent a rock and roll movie about a girl named Ramona sent by her boss, a rock promoter to stop the tour of his renegade rock band in the wilds of northern Ontario. The outstanding soundtrack features music by the Ramones, Cowboy Junkies, Stompin' Tom Connors, Nash the Slash, and others. The Original Roadkill Cookbook was used to promote the opening of this movie across Canada in 1988.

ROADKILL, The Music
The most famous road ode and Loudon Wainwright III's biggest hit is a ballad, titled "Dead Skunk". This little stinker reached the Top 20 in 1972. It took a lot of tomato juice to get it off the list.

ROADKILL, The Poetry
Gary Snyder's "The Dead by the Side of the Road," published in the collection No Nature: New and Selected Poems (New York: Pantheon, 1992) is a classic. Buy Gary's books. Poetry like his won't hurt you. If you think poetry is for sissies, read some of Jim Harrison's early work.

ROADKILL, The Subject
There is scant information on the general subject of animal roadkill in the US. The insurance industry and their federal government counterparts pay most of their attention to the loss of motorist life and limb. For example, 750,000 cars report "interaction" with deer each year. The insurance industry collects trillions and pays out over millions annually in benefits, including thousands to families of those who no longer enjoy any benefits. Efforts to prevent auto/animal interaction are primarily directed at large mammals that break windshields, especially Bambi and his domesticated kinfolk. Under-passes, overpasses and other engineered "natural" features are being studied and built to assure safer animal passage. Fences are used to herd animals to special intersections, yet there has been little interest by Boy Scouts to lead does across busy streets. Given the increasingly urban nature of this group, most would need Buck's Large Animal ID chart to do so. One promising experiment in Washington State is the use of radio collars on elk and roadside signals. When a tagged animal approaches the highway, a yellow warning light flashes caution to on-coming cars. This has caused additional stress to habitat-deprived critters that would rather just end it all, but the cud-chewing majority seems to enjoy the light show.

Another high-tech "remedy" is the introduction of "heads-up" windshield imagery. A device is mounted on your grill that detects two and four legged animals at night and projects the image on your windshield before your headlights illuminate the critter. This expensive putting-mind-at-ease option is available only on Cadillac, the least likely automobile to have interaction as it meanders its way home to the condo from the 19th hole.

The Cause: From 1992 to 1997, nearly 16 million acres of unruly forests, boring cropland and numbingly quiet open space were converted to urban uses, at twice the rate for the previous 5 years. The 1998 to 2002 urban development will be super-sized. Urban use requires roads which cross animal trails and break up wildlife populations. The intersections are hazardous to all crossing and the smaller wildlife populations face larger risks such as predator exposure and, as is seen in resort and suburban developments, inbreeding and other outrages.

The Cure: Stay home. If you must leave home, use public transportation.
If you must use private transportation, carpool and then drive only during daylight hours, slow down near animal crossing signs and don't litter. If you see an animal, don't stop to pet or feed them. They don't want to know you and your food will make them look like an ordinary American. If you see an animal on the yellow line, brake quickly and straight. Don't aim for the ditch. And catch the kids flying from the back seat. If you hit a large animal, stay in your car. The critter won't like you or any other occupant of your assault vehicle. There are rumors of herbivores becoming carnivores under stress. Lock your door. Call your insurance agent on the cell phone that caused the accident. Watch the Disney Channel on your van TV until help arrives. That way you won't see a roadside shopper loading up the latest purchase.