Ask Santa
A small number of letters from children around the world have been mistakenly delivered to Buck’s lodge up north and, recognizing Santa’s large workload, not forwarded, but answered in holiday spirit.
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Some call him St. Nicholas, others St. Nick, Father Christmas, Kris Kringle, and #!@* by those who received nothing on their list.
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Depends. If the old gal can shed 15 pounds, Santa will let her pick something nice from the return pile.
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They consider elves their children or, privately, their “litter”. How big a litter could Mrs. Claus carry? Given the size of her hips, it is probably 5-6 at a time.
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Yes, yes, yes. The dump is behind the post office. Letters from children and other junk mail go in the big red dumpster. Yes.
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Elves enjoy extra helpings of reindeer meat at suppertime.
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Phat prik.
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It’s certainly north of here and, most importantly, not in Sweden. Those who say the latter also say Volvos are low-maintenance vehicles.
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A scullery elf heard that her birth certificate shows “Uff Da” as her Christian first name and born, oddly enough, with a hoof as a right foot. At home, Santa just calls her “Sweet Cheeks”.
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Large ungulates attract fleas. Sung nicely by José Feasonyou.
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King-sized bed: single layer—6, double layer 12 with shoes off.
California King: 8—one layer, 12—double layer with pillows.
Toyota trunk: f you have rope—9, possibly 10. -
Under the big rock in the garden, the Easter Bunny will pick it up on the next hippity, hooitay.